What to Write?

kd2amySo it has happened; writer’s block. I would love to sit down and write about all the things I think about when I am not at the computer to write, and then those amazing thoughts just go and elude me. All of them. I had so many wonderful things I wanted to write about. Perhaps I need to tell them that it is not very nice of them and at least a few of them need to come back! Or, perhaps it is just that I am trying to get everything in and I just do not seem to have time to sit down and do it all.

It has been an interesting week. Even with 4 very busy boys to keep me company, it is lonely without DH. I see it in the boys as well. Even though they do not say much, and even though they do not normally see Daddy during the day, when he has to go away on his business trips, it is felt by everyone. It seems like it is harder on all of us. Shabbos is the worst I think. Right before Shabbos, a boy mentioned (more than once) that it was going to be weird without Daddy. It was. It was quiet. We did not sing, we just had our meal, cleaned up and went to bed. (So, Daddy, just in case you were wondering, we all do miss you!)

However, there is always that little silver lining that we can find if we look for it. I did not take the boys to shul on Friday night. I am not on the weekly email list for shul times and when we tried to look before lighting, we could not find out if there was early davening or not. And anyways, it was too late to go and take the little one and walk back with him and eat. At least it was for me. So, the boys davened at home. And WOW, did they daven! Out loud, with hardly any bickering, and if I was not in the mood beforehand, that was just the start! Shalom Aleichem was sung with feeling and with all voices heard (and I can never get my boys to really sing with us.) Mommy had to give them brachos this week, and each one came over, without any cues, right on time to get theirs. Even Aishes Chayil was sung so much better than usual.

The next morning I went with them to shul, instead of coming later with the littlest one. Dvar Torahs were said at breakfast, table cleaned, and off we went. I did tell them sternly to daven, there was no one to watch them and yes, I was more than just a little worried, I was stuck on the other side of the mechitza! But they did not need watching this week. All three of the older boys sat next to each other, very mentchlich like and davened! Much better than I have ever seen them do before. I think somehow they just knew. They instinctively knew they had to do better than usual and they lived up to the task. Children tend to do that to us when we least expect it. I think that maybe, just maybe, they will get there.

I have started davening a bit later a few of the days and sometimes we have missed parsha over the past week for that is the time that Daddy has available to call and talk for a few minutes. It is hard with the huge time zone change. The nice thing is that we have done several video chats and the boys have been able to see Daddy and Daddy saw all of us. The boys have been able to show off some of their show and tell wares and feel proud. That does seem to help a little bit. I have even remembered (to my great surprise) to have the boys do their Mishnah Yomit every day.

With no one to make me go to bed, I have stayed up late every night. I have tried to be productive. I do have a new project that I just started, and I have tried to listen to shiurim while I work, but it is not really the best I know. It is just hard to stay on track like we should. Even though Daddy does not stay home and learn with us during the day, it is amazing how our entire day is affected. Is that why I had a boy come up to me and for the first time ever come and massage my shoulders today – and do it twice today at that? I am not sure, however, as I remember how good of a massager he is, I smile and think to myself that yes, he is a keeper!

And now, it is time to turn the internet back on (for it is so late that the timer has turned if off for the night!) so I can post and then go straight to bed before I remember that I was proof reading my book for errors instead of doing my new project and get tempted to stay up even later.


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